NO IDEA DRIVERS (Safe Drive Training)

REDLINE REVHEADS: It is amazing how many uneducated drivers rev the car to red-line (or beyond) in each gear trying to extract maximum performance. Most road cars are tuned for mid-range engine torque, therefore excessively high engine revs just waste fuel, make more noise and damage components without increasing acceleration. In fact many computer controlled automatics will out accelerate the manual version of the same car if the manual car driver has no idea where the optimum gear shift points are

"D" IS FOR DREAMERS: This applies to the many automatic drivers that leave the car is D for drive (or dream) all the time. Thus when descending steep hills the driver ends up riding the brakes excessively, which can overheat the brakes and may lead to brake failure. Similarly the drivers pulls out to overtake on the highway still in D for dream and thus the car ends up kicking-down gears while on the wrong side of the road, prolonging exposure to head on collisions. An aware automatic driver should use the gears more often.

TYRE SMOKERS: Can someone please explain to me what pleasure drivers get from doing screechies, howlies, doughies, burnouts, hackies or whatever name they wish to call them.They certainly can’t be thinking that such behaviour is proof of their driving prowessYes in drag racing certain drag cars (not road cars) get a benefit from a burnout as this heats up a tyre providing more traction. For a road car all it does is destroy tyres and damage car components. But then mum and dad don’t really know what happens to their car when young Johnny takes it for a drive…..or should I say spin.In motorsport a car sliding sideways or experiencing wheel spin; means the driver is underperforming and the car is losing traction and time.

LOUNGE CHAIR RACERS: These are the drivers with their seat reclined near horizontal that seem to just laze around when piloting 1.5 tonnes of steel, glass and rubber. They think they look cool but no motor racing driver would sit like they do as you have little control or forward vision.

BORN LEADERS: These are the drivers that always have to be in front. They drive slowly, so you overtake them safely and then once you are in front they are offended and speed up; tailgate and then rush back passed you.

EXHAUST-AHOLICS: This is the driver that has made some modification to their exhaust and has become spell-bound or addicted to its sound. This driver to get another hit of this sweet sound; persists in revving the car when waiting at the traffic lights or in a carpark. Similarly this type of driver will gear down when passing a group of pedestrians (especially if the same age or opposite sex) thinking they somehow will care or be jealous by the sound of the exhaust.

To often though the exhaust sounds more like a strangled chicken and provides a good laugh if you are the pedestrian.

SPEED HUMP JUMPERS: For some strange reason this type of driver is always driving an old crappy car or has a set of alloy wheels fitted. They don’t slow for speed humps but rather attack them at speed.This driver obviously fails to appreciate the suspension and tyre damage that results or what happens to the wheel alignment from such activities. This becomes even more embarrassing (and costly) when the nice alloy wheel gets buckled.

GUTTER JUMPERS: Same as above but the vehicle being driven is usually a 4WD and so "cause its got the ground clearance mate" it is apparently made to jump over gutters at speed. This drivers gives no consideration to the internal damage that occurs to the 4WD tyres steel belts when a 6 inch concrete gutter gets driven over at speed.

OVERTAKING LANE SPEEDSTERS: The driver that for reasons only known to them; drives at less than 90 km/hr on the highway (not that there is anything wrong with that) but then speeds up to 110+ km/hr ONLY in the overtaking lane zone.

TEMPORARY AUSTRALIANS: These are the drivers (and motorcycle riders) that will continue to get where their going first until tragically the day comes they don’t get there at all. Remember it not who gets there first but who continues to get there that is the most important thing.

DRIVERS WITH NO IDEA: These are the drivers or riders that attempt to drive along a busy road faster than everyone else. These drivers are characterised by rapidly changing lanes, tailgating and driving aggressively, they are also the ones that end up at the next set of traffic lights as the car in front of you. It is humourous to watch their frustration as they get caught behind every slow car, bus, learner driver and turning vehicle. They basically get aggro and waste alot of their money for very little reward.

TRAFFIC LIGHT CREEPERS: These are the drivers that keep edging forward whilst queued up at the lights. Now there is nothing really wrong or dangerous with this; it just annoys me that these drivers can’t wait patiently for the lights to change. Please explain what does this edging forward achieve?

KAMAKAZIE COMMERCIAL VEHICLES: These are the poor sods that pilot overloaded utes and vans like they are performance cars. They lack the grey matter between the ears to appreciate the vehicles lack of inherent safety (crumple zones, airbags, ABS), skinny cheap tyres (often rated to 120 km/hr maximum speed), rudimentary suspension and higher centre of gravity. Sometimes there is a poor blue heeler hanging on for dear life in the tray.

THE DRIVING ILLITERATE: These are the drivers that drive from A to B on auto-pilot (in D for dream) everyday, but cannot read the road. They stare aimlessly at the bumper of the vehicle in front and just get sucked along. They are typically the last to see a hazard and commonly pass through traffic lights and only then check whether they were green.

OFFRAMP OVERTAKERS: It amazes me how many times, you are travelling safely in the left lane along the freeway/motorway when suddenly as you near an offramp a car dives in behind you from an outside lane, they sit there for a second then pull back out to the right, half pass you then cut across your nose and go up the offramp. You were not even turning off, so they essentially risked both your life and theirs for NOTHING!

QUEUE JUMPERS: This is where on multi-lane roads; a number of cars are patiently in convoy style all lined up passing a slower vehicle, when the queue jumper arrives and decides to race up the inside behind the slower vehicle and then attempt to force their way into the front of the queue. The other drivers see this happening and a small game ensues. The queued up drivers begin closing up the gaps between each other to try and block the queue jumper out. A dangerous situation arises since the queue jumper has committed themselves and would find it highly embarrising to get hung out to dry. As a last resort the queue jumper will tend to (with no indicator signals) force their way across basically suggesting to the other drivers, I am coming in or I am going to hit you.

GROUPIES: This is the driver that positions themselves in a tightly packed group of cars when there exists room to hang-back and create more space. Very common on interstate highways where there will be clusters of many cars in close convoy with miles of space to spread out.

LANE DRIFTERS: This is the driver that drifts all over the road, oblivious to the lane markings. Sometimes a product of holding a mobile phone to their ear. This driver also can exhibit dramatic speed fluctuations especially if in conversation with a passenger.

BLIND LANE CHANGERS: This is the typical average driver changing lanes on the freeway/motorway. Their proceedure is to begin steering first, then glance to see if its safe (or swerve back if otherwise) and then if you are lucky you might see the indicators flash once to signal they made it into the other lane safely.

ARM DANGLERS: These are the last remaining prehistoric man species that still walk and drive with their knuckle draggging on the ground. Also known as the hold-on driving position as they must hold onto the door, roof or side mirror (apparently so it doesn’t fall off). This driver has the misguided belief that steering the car with 1 hand is safer than 2. If it’s 2 hands for racing drivers it definetly should be 2 hands for road drivers.

The huge bloody load estimated at 3000lbs (1.3 tonne) which included all the sheets and wooden planks on the roof plus 10 bags of cement (each weighing 35+ kg) on the backseat

The load security, where twine (not rope) is used to hold everything in place
The creative and secure (not!) way the twine is attached to the car, like slammed between closed doors and the bodywork
The impressive angle of the rear wheels.
The fact that alloy wheels and tyres are load rated and neither would have been designed to transport such a load.
The ignorance of the passenger, asleep in the vehicle.
The fact the car has been driven to here and is still running (see exhaust emissions).
The damage done to the car which by all reports included 2 destroyed rear tyres, 2 buckled rear wheels and the rear shocks driven up through the vehicle floor.

NOTABLE MENTIONS FOR THE AWARDS

The middle aged couple driving their newish Kia Mentor from Beenleigh (near Brisbane) to Melbourne on Monday November 6. I came across them on the Boonah-Beaudesert Road about 90 minutes into their journey. On catching up to their car I noticed the vehicle leaning dramatically to the driver's side. On closer inspection I saw the driver's side rear tyre was flat. This car had been driven at 95 km/hr for 90 minutes like this. In each bend the car wallowed all over its lane. God only knows why the driver could not feel this problem. Upon overtaking their car I proceeded up the road and found a safe spot to stop my car. I got out and waved them down. It turns out both the front and rear driver's side tyres were flat (probably less than 10 psi inflation pressure). The rear tyre was extremely hot to touch and had a line of discolouration around the side wall and small stress cracks beginning to appear. I suggest this tyre would not have stayed together for another 100 km. This couple do not realise how close they came to a tyre failure.Things to Learn: This couple reckon they had checked the tyres that morning, but the valve stems of the driver's side tyres had no valve caps on them. The local tyre store in Boonah reports that neither tyre had a puncture. Therefore by checking the tyres, the gauged pushed in the valve, which stuck in and created a leak. Apart from not noticing this, a couple of 15 cent metal valve caps (which have a rubber seal inside) would have stopped or slowed the leak. The driver also had a very poor seating and steering position which offered little communication of what the car was doing on the road. It amazes me they did not notice the lean on the car and its poor steering response. The car was newish and the spare tyre had never been fitted to the car. On the production line the wheel nuts were overtightened using an air gun. It took all my strength to loosen the wheel nuts, I doubt this couple would have been able to put their spare on had I not been there.

The beat-up old Falcon driver who passed me and a line of cars on the inside at traffic lights near Wynnum Plaza shopping centre on Tuesday November 7. The driver flew passed us on the left as the lights went green. Embarrassingly though a line of 4 cars were just on the other side of the intersection slowly turning into a drive-way. The old crappy Falcon had no chance of stopping (although he locked up the brakes trying) so he came off the brakes and swerved into the oncoming lane of cars, it was then he saw the elderly couple standing in the middle of the road waiting to cross, so he had to swerve back narrowly avoid the pedestrians and the line of turning cars. While all this was happening another innocent motorist had pulled out of a service station in their Pajero 4WD. The 4WD owner probably did not seen the Falcon coming because it was hidden behind the line of turning cars. The Falcon then had to stand on its brakes (another lock-up) and just missed hitting the 4WD. The Falcon driver then had the audacity to throw their hand out the window to gesture in abuse to the 4WD owner. Things to Learn: What a loser, this guy in the Falcon almost took out 4 turning cars, 2 pedestrians, the oncoming traffic and a 4WD all to save 10 seconds. He probably even considers himself a good driver.

The Hyundai Excel driver who crossed over double-white lines heading straight towards a head-on collision with my car, because he was holding a large drink cooler in both hands (steering with his knees) lifted up in front of his face taking a mouthful. Yeh mate good driving.

Matthew S. of Rochedale South resident who appeared in the local court charged with unlawful use of a motor vehicle, unlicenced driving and disqualified driving. He was fined $800 and disqualified from holding a drivers licence ABSOLUTELY...(FOREVER) How good is that.

An Israeli driver has been banned from the road, after he was caught steering with his elbows (not in-itself worth a life ban) but at the same time he was holding a conference call on 2 phones, one to each ear and taking the minutes of the meeting.
Unlucky? British driver Neil Roy has clocked up 92 reportable crashes, including 14 write-offs, during his 36 year career driving a total of only 70 company cars.Bavarian driver Herbert Meyer was found unconscious at the steering wheel after his car crashed. He was not drunk however, but had been overpowered by fumes from the cheese he was carrying with him in 35 degree heat.
How could this list be complete without an entry about Californian drivers. The latest heath craze in California is small barbells (should be dumb-bells) that allow motorists to work out in their cars while stuck in traffic jams, probably in transit to the gym anyway.
US police are trying to ban new brands of coloured tyres because gangs are using the tyres, which leave coloured skid marks to mark out their territories (I thought dogs piddled for the same reason